Pimps

The head of productions in Egyptian TV was fired from his job a few years ago after he was implicated in pimping for rich gulfies (as far as I can remember). He was disgraced and disappeared from public life for a few years. Now he is back in a very high profile job and he regularly appears on TV and in the papers. Strange country.

AA

Orthodox Jews and Muslim fundamentalists have so much in common. What really pisses me off is that women are always on the receiving end of their shit. It's a shame that they are fighting each other. They should forget their differences and unite to form the A.A. "The Alliance of Assholes".

Murderers!

An Egyptian living in Saudi Arabia has been sentenced to death (by beheading) for desecrating the Koran. The man, who works as a pharmacist, was accused of leaving copies of the Muslim holy book in a mosque's washrooms. A court found the man guilty of no longer being a Muslim because of his acts and 'violating the boundaries set by God'. Ali Al-Ahmed, a prominent Saudi rights activist who has followed the case, said the verdict raised questions about Saudi Arabia's justice system, which rights groups have criticised over a lack of legal representation and codified laws. Al-Ahmed said: "The man is Muslim and an Egyptian. I believe he was set up by extremists zealots."

I am shocked that not one Egyptian official has spoken out against this.

Gamal Mubarak's Wedding

Interesting piece on the upcoming wedding of Mubarak's son and heir apparent, Gamal.

The idea of a functioning democracy in Egypt is so.... "not going to happen", which means that the Gamal will probably be the next president if he gets the support of the military.

Naiive

Egypt's foreign minister Ahmed Abul Gheit feels that the actions of terrorists in Iraq are incomprehensible...

He Said:

It was impossible to understand what terrorists in Iraq were trying to achieve as they were killing people who did not have anything to do with politics

This guy is either naiive or thick. They say that wisdom comes with age, but he is a living proof the age sometimes comes alone. It would be nice if one day (just for a change) we had ministers who comprehend and understand.

True or False?

Are the following two statements true or false?

1) Al Azhar sheikhs who are restless sleepers take viagra to stop them falling out of bed.

2) If you give viagra to Egyptian government ministers, it only makes them taller.

Success

This post is for our beloved judge Morad. Yes... it's a plagiarised joke:

What is success?

The definition of the word depends on how old you are:

At age four success is not pissing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 18 success is having a driver's license.
At age 19 success is having sex.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a driver's license.
At age 75 success is having friends.
And at the age of 90 success is... not pissing in your pants.

ISLAMIC VERSION OF 'AMERICAN IDOL'

Finally ladies and gentlemen Al Nas TV proudly presents to you our Islamic version of American Idol. Yeah baby.

It won't have any of that decadent haram singing crap. Instead the contestants will recite Quraan and they will all be men (ofcoarse... what did you think? you were expecting to hear women's voices?)

Women are only allowed to watch and vote for their favorite guy.

The candidates of Egypt's 'American Idol' will have the possibility of studying the Quraan with professors and clerics from the Al Azhar University (LOL lucky bastards).

And wait, here is the best part: the winner will be able to record a CD and take part in television shows. This is very glamourous, but sadly, I will not take part in the competition. I was always hopeless in memorizing Quraan (shame on me).

Hani al Bana, the director of the Al Nas broadcaster, said that "the aim of the programme was to help the rise of new talents and create new preachers who are able to touch the heart of the people."

This is soooooooooooo cool.

Public sector strikes

The public sector strikes and protests that have been going on since last December are extremely revealing.

Any strike is illegal in Egypt and even the smallest public protest is immediately squelched with police truncheons, yet the government's response to the almost 50 strikes has ranged from pussy footing to meeting all the demands.

These workers are the only genuine and honest form of political activism in Egypt. Sorry to say this, but the majority of the rest (Islamists, leftists, opposition parties, bloggers) are bullshitters.

The government can have the Islamists for breakfast (with the cereal), but cannot dare to mess with the public sector workers.

Labor Minister Aisha Abdel Hadi recently said that Mubarak "cannot sleep at night knowing there is one unhappy worker." I believe her! They have got the government by the balls.

A hint

A 32 year old Saudi man was arrested by Egyptian police while trying to get through barbed wire on the Egypt-Israel border east of Sinai. Despite the fact he was on foot, he told police he was heading for Nuweiba, more than 100 kilometres from the place where he was arrested. Egyptian police have confirmed that it is forbidden for foreigners to be in this region and access to these border points is extremely difficult, apart from the bedouins who live there.

My guess is that this guy's plan was to travel to heaven via Israel. His plan was completely screwed up because he ended up in an Egyptian jail, which is more like... hell. I guess god was not on his side.

Sex, money and neocons

This is such a strange story. 65 year old Paul Wolfowitz is one of the most hawkish American neocons and the architect of the US invasion of Iraq. He is of Jewish descent and his girfriend is an Arab... Oh and she is a feminist and 25 years younger than him.

When Dubya appointed him as president of the World Bank, he set out to change the Bank's lending policy, with a preference for honest governments!

Now he is accused of affording preferential treatment to his girlfriend (who used to work in the World Bank) in the form of a 45% salary increase and a job in the state department, working for for Liz Cheney, the daughter of vice-president Dick Cheney.

This is Funny

Edna and Bill were two residents of a nursing home who had been carrying on a love affair. They were both 96 years old and wheelchair bound. Every night, they would meet in the TV room. Edna would passively hold Bill's penis and they would watch TV for an hour or so. It wasn't much, but it was all that they had. One night, Bill didn't show up. He didn't show up for the next two nights either. Edna assumed he was dead, but then she saw him happily wheeling about the grounds. She confronted him and said: "Where were you these past couple of nights?". He replied, "If you must know, I was with another woman". "Bastard!" she cried, "What were you doing?". "We do the same thing that you and I do" he answered. "Is she prettier or younger than I am?" she asked. "Nope, she looks the same, and she's 98 years old." Bill replied. "Well then, what does she have that I don't?" Edna asked. Bill smiled slyly and said: "Parkinson's disease."

WHAT???

Egypt has rejected a report by human rights group Amnesty International that accused it of the systematic torture of prisoners. The foreign ministry said:

The Egyptian government was offended by the report which was inaccurate and unfair.

I am really sorry that the Egyptian government was offended, but I assume that so was Emad Al Kabir when he was sodomised with a stick.

The foriegn ministry genuis who wrote the statement did not clarify which part of the report was inaccurate and unfair:

Was it the bit that said that torture was pervasive in police stations and prisons? or the other bit about Egypt has becoming an international centre for interrogation and torture on behalf of other states as part of the "war on terror"?

The foreign ministry statement also said:

Egypt had made real and continuous achievements in the field of human rights.

Shame on Amnesty International for spreading such lies about Egypt.

A matter of reputation

It's interesting that Egyptian bloggers are inncreasingly being subjected to accusations of tarnishing Egypt's reputation.

In reality nobody is tarnishing the reputation of Egypt more than the Egyptian government.

Justice

So Egypt now has 30 women judges, but conservative male judges are not happy. They believe that women are not fit to be judges.

Mahmoud al-Khodeiry, a senior judge, said the appointments were just a government display to show the West that Egypt was becoming more liberal.

Even if this was true, I think we should be grateful.

Khodeiry also said: I think this will create problems when they move, when they mix and problems regarding the type of cases they can handle as women. It would have been better if those appointed were men.

How can a male chauvinist like Khodeiry be a judge? And if there are many judges like him, then justice in Egyptian courts is like belly dancing in Saudi Arabia.

It's from Allah

Reading this made me feel sick. Some of the comments are very revolting too. f the Arabs and the Israelis can't make peace, can't they at least agree on not killing babies?

WTF

Subjecting kids to this kind of shit is criminal. Who is this asshole and how can he be allowed to preach to children?

What more could you want?

The interior minister goes to Mubarak after the referendum on the constitutional ammendments.

Minister: I have excellent news, Mr. President! You won 75.9% of the vote in the referendum! We say the turnout was 27% but actually it was 5%, which means that only 1.2 percent of the people dissented! What more could you possibly want?

Mubarak: Their names.

First Kareem and now Manal and Alaa

Egyptian bloggers caught a judge red handed plagiarising a report published by a human rights organization, so he decides to take the bloggers to court accusing them of tarnishing the reputation of Egypt and insulting the president. Sounds very familliar right?

Judge Abdel Fattah Mourad doesn't stop there. He accuses the bloggers Manal and Alaa and Gamal Eid, director of the Arabic Human Rights Network of insulting him (does insulting people like Mourad break any laws? It shouldn't).

Acouple of days ago, the three were called for an interrogation by a public attorney, who decided to release them after the interrogation but the police detained them for ten hours.

The bloggers in Egypt are pissing the government off so much that it has decided to mobilize Al-Azhar, the police and some dick head judges and lawyers to silence them.

Ok... This is the first competition on this blog. Which of the following words cannot be used to describe Mourad:

jerk, ass, idiot, dick, douchebag, anus, loser, dickhead, shit, dumbass, prick ,cunt, moron, fucker, stupid, butthole, fuck, bastard, retard, pussy, jackass, butt, fucktard, shithead, cock, asshat, motherfucker, rectum, dipshit, poop, cocksucker, wanker, twat, bunghole, annoying?

Vote Counting, The Egyptian Way

The English poet and artist William Blake once said that:

Opposition is true friendship.

This wonderful concept is applied when counting votes in Egypt.

See how popular Mubarak is.